Hotel Caulfield

I am not sure I have really talked about the hospital I am staying at. It's the Caulfield General Medical Centre and was built during World War 1 to house the diggers as they came back from the front line. The hospital was traditionally a rehabilitation centre, mainly for amputees. This is still its main specialisation, although there is an outpatient pathology and radiography centre.

I have tried to think of this place as a rehabilitation and health farm.

A little like The Priory Clinic, where lots of famous people stay.

Benefits include;

• breakfast in bed
• bed made every day linen changed weekly
• fresh towels left at the end of the bed every day
• 3 stable meals a day (that I have planned with a dietian)
• 2+ hours in the gym per day
• Personal Trainer
• exercise regime tailored to specific needs
• 4 x colonic irrigation since admission (near enough!)
• a team of specialists on call 24 hours a day
• own hairdresser and beautician on hand (as seen in pics)

This has paid off. I have been off the cigarettes 37 days and now I am an occasional drinker

So far this morning, I have had an influx of medical specialists interested in my well being.
Even before I got out of bed one of the nurses was offering to stick suppositories up my bum (which I refused - "of course my bowels haven't moved yet today, I am still in bed")
My psychotherapist came in to "have a chat"
My social worker visited and is arranging for my disability parking sticker (drive and passenger)
My Doctor briefly met with me and said he wanted to arrange a time to talk about my "sexuality, after the operation" - I told him nothing had changed and I was still heterosexual (he didn't laugh but my physio did)

I like it so much here I will be staying on. My stay has been extended until 21st May.

As I write this my Mum is airborne and although she laughed it off when I mentioned it earlier, is probably a 10 minute member of the mile high club. I can’t wait to see here.

At the weekend I had another night at home and managed a couple of cheeky reds at the local wine bar with Nat and KC. (pics above)