I'm Coming Out, I Want The World To Know, Got To Let It Show...

So it’s really happening. I will be discharged tomorrow. I am required to check out of Hotel Caulfield by 11am.

How do I feel?

Well, good, I guess. Sort off…

7 weeks ago, when I woke up from the operation with little to no sensation and dull tingling in my toes, feet, legs, bum and saddle area – I must admit I panicked. I overwhelmed myself with thinking 6 months ahead and letting my imagination run wild. My head went into the clouds and I conjured up dark, depressing images of how my life will change, and quite frankly, I thought it was over. Ridiculous I know.

I remember feeling nervous about leaving The Alfred. I had no idea what rehab was (due to reading too many trashy magazines!) and I was still sore with the Medical Emergency Crew for passing up such a great storyline.

I managed to stay positive by breaking down my recovery into bite sized pieces. Initially one day at a time, then as more feeling came back, one week at a time.

While I have been in rehab, I have just focused on getting better and not worrying about anything. I spoke to my workplace and they reassured me my job was safe and they also told me to just focus on getting better. And I have done just that.

Don’t worry about a thing, just focus on getting better. Worry about everything later.

Ah!

Later.

Later is now,

Now is later.

SLAM!

That’s the noise I made when I came back down to earth.

So, it’s official. I am leaving on Friday. I’ve hired my wheelchair and crutches, my outpatients appointments have been made, I did a theory driving assessment yesterday and my practical driving assessment will be next week (this will determine if I can drive an automatic or only a hand control car). My flat has been fitted with all the modifications I require, The Pharmacist has the drugs ready and the nurses are talking about missing me. Ah bless.

So this next phase will be around integrating myself back into the real world again and eventually back to work.

I will have to change my world, although I still want a lot of my old world brought over, I can’t have it all.

Like I am 17 again, Mum is excited about me driving. She knows how much independence this can give someone. This is my next big project, broken down to bite sized pieces, next week the driving assessment, the week after the car. I hope it will be the automatic option.

My friend Petra hates the term ‘discharge” for reasons I won’t go into so I looked up the definition of discharge and here are my favourites:

To relieve of a burden
To release, as from confinement, care, or duty
To shoot
to relieve oneself

Let's hope I don't do a Frank Spencer down the Breezeway...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bec7FDJSKs

My Last Week

Dinner at the local Turkish restaurant

Art Therapy

Last week was a big week and although it left me feeling very weak., it was great to have Mum arrive and smash all my personal bests.

It was great meeting Mum at the airport. I wanted to be just on my crutches when she first met me, so I wouldn’t upset her, but after parking in a disabled spot and heading towards the front of the terminal, it was clear the distance was too much and Damo had to get me an airport wheelchair. However, Mum could see I was able to move my legs, stand and use the crutches for some of the way back to the car. So I think that set her mind at rest.

I am currently concentrating on endurance. Getting further on the crutches and relying less on the wheelchair.

When I was first told I was going on the treadmill, it freaked me out a little. The idea of walking on a machine that dictated how fast and far I walk, was a little scary.

But off I went, covering 400 metres in 15 minutes.

On Friday, I managed 600 metres in 15 minutes.

**smiles smugly**

Insert: 19.05.09 - I managed 1km today in 19 minutes

**furious clappimg, only stops when I make a "cut" motion with my hands**

This afternoon I decided I would use the crutches to get to the Post Office outside of the hospital– thankfully Mum was the bright spark who said she would follow with the wheelchair – she wheeled me more than I walked!

The fatigue I am experiencing isn’t cardio vascular and it isn’t a deep muscle burn like you would expect when you are exercising. The muscles are just not there, or built up yet. It feels very strange.

Still it’s all going in the right direction.

This should mean, due to my successes last week, even though I feel weak, this will be my last week in hospital.

Currently, my discharge date is 22nd May (this Friday) and although I don’t feel overwhelmed at the idea of going home, like I did a couple of weeks ago, I do feel a little uncertain.

The health farm has become my safe haven. I have mastered the breezeway (the 120 metre corridor that runs through the rehab centre).
I have a sense of purpose when I wake up as I know I have 2 physio sessions,
I can easily measure and track my progression in the safe, controlled environment that is the physio gym…..And I still haven’t finished my cheeseboard!!

I Now Have 3 Crutches...

Definition of "CRUTCH"

Crutches are medical tools used when a patient is injured usually anywhere below the waist. The word "crutch" can also refer to anything used by a person for psychological or emotional support.

Hotel Caulfield

I am not sure I have really talked about the hospital I am staying at. It's the Caulfield General Medical Centre and was built during World War 1 to house the diggers as they came back from the front line. The hospital was traditionally a rehabilitation centre, mainly for amputees. This is still its main specialisation, although there is an outpatient pathology and radiography centre.

I have tried to think of this place as a rehabilitation and health farm.

A little like The Priory Clinic, where lots of famous people stay.

Benefits include;

• breakfast in bed
• bed made every day linen changed weekly
• fresh towels left at the end of the bed every day
• 3 stable meals a day (that I have planned with a dietian)
• 2+ hours in the gym per day
• Personal Trainer
• exercise regime tailored to specific needs
• 4 x colonic irrigation since admission (near enough!)
• a team of specialists on call 24 hours a day
• own hairdresser and beautician on hand (as seen in pics)

This has paid off. I have been off the cigarettes 37 days and now I am an occasional drinker

So far this morning, I have had an influx of medical specialists interested in my well being.
Even before I got out of bed one of the nurses was offering to stick suppositories up my bum (which I refused - "of course my bowels haven't moved yet today, I am still in bed")
My psychotherapist came in to "have a chat"
My social worker visited and is arranging for my disability parking sticker (drive and passenger)
My Doctor briefly met with me and said he wanted to arrange a time to talk about my "sexuality, after the operation" - I told him nothing had changed and I was still heterosexual (he didn't laugh but my physio did)

I like it so much here I will be staying on. My stay has been extended until 21st May.

As I write this my Mum is airborne and although she laughed it off when I mentioned it earlier, is probably a 10 minute member of the mile high club. I can’t wait to see here.

At the weekend I had another night at home and managed a couple of cheeky reds at the local wine bar with Nat and KC. (pics above)

The Mummy Returns

Great news. My Mum comes over next week. She arrives on the 13th May and I can not wait to see her. My expected discharge date is also the 13th - although the physios are already talking about extending it - hopefully not for much longer.

In anticipation for my Mum's arrival and the possibility of still being discharged close to her arrival date, I am really focusing on rest.

I'm not really up for visitors this week, I am managing to extend my physio sessions and that means I need all the rest I can get. So if I can't be discharged on the 13th, I know it's not because I've been burning the candle at both ends.

Overnight Visit

On Saturday afternoon, I went home for an over night stay. It was very exciting, very tiring and beautifully showed off my shortcomings. I am not ready to go home yet.

Short trips from the sofa to the toilet and back, took more energy than a 20 metre walk. When you are learning to do something, you have to engage your brain and maybe mentally run through what you want to achieve before starting the action. When I am walking with the frame, I have to concentrate on what muscles to use. After about 5 metres of this repetition it takes a little less concentration for the muscles to work.

Short trips, 3 metres to the bathroom and back, it is all about getting there. So I found I was just using upper body strength and hauling myself around. Therefore putting extra strain on my back.

I did have a good time, some friends came round and we got some take out, played board games and finished off with a game of "celebrity heads". I think Marie was the only person who didn't cheat! She was (a) Babe.

A big thanks to Nat for being the responsible adult for most of the time and Kell's for the rest of the time. I know having to watch someone for 24 hours can be tiring.

Going back to the hospital, was, well, like going to work and doing a job you don't like, but know you have to do to make the rent and save for a holiday, to get as far away from the job as you can.

If you ever put your parents in a Nursing Home and take them out on day trips - that's the feeling they are experiencing as you take them back to the home.

Unless you have kids whereas they are probably just pleased to get away.

The pic attached are my new shoes - they are all the rage in physio, everyone is wearing them. Get used to them, I will have to. These are the AFO's or ankle-foot orthoses I have spoken about before.

Videos - Walking and Cheeseboard Progress...

Translation:

"This is Roger sanding my cheeseboard, I have just manuallly sanded it. Cheeseboard - yeah!"

Nerve Conduction Study Results...

My Nerve Conduction study was yesterday. The morning went without a hitch, I find the Ambulance journey's a bit dramatic, if anyone has ever been on an Ambulance stretcher - you become acutely aware of your weight and girth - they are fairly slim!

The Consultant I had was an interesting bloke who obviously liked his specialised subject. I got a bit of a history lesson before he started to shoot electric signals up my nerve to my spine to see what messages came back. Think of what Doctors would use on Smurfette if her heart stopped.

Then the pin came out. It was 2 inches long and was rammed into various points around my hips, down my legs and my feet. Acupuncture it was not! Ouch! Ouch! Ouch!

I am not really sure of the etiquette when it comes to Doctor's notes. The Consultant handed me a sealed envelope I was to give to my Doctor back here at Caulfield Hospital. I opened it immediately.

As expected, most of it I didn't understand. So I skipped to the conclusion...

"There is electrophysiological evidence of relative severe L5 radiculopathies bilaterally. Preserved Peroneal sensory responses indicate this is preganglionic. The absent recruitment in TA and TFL indicates complete conduction block proximally. There is a mechanical twitch of TA bilaterally indicating at least some preservation of axonal integrity proximally despite the presence of fibs and positive sharp waves. Likely early recovery due to the remyelination of neuropraxic fibres, however full recovery is likely to be protracted. (1 - 2 years)"

So I am sure you'll all agree this is great news!!

This video is from 28th April. I did a Zimmer Walk to the hospital cafe. It was about 300 metres. Yay!